aside from all the screaming, that is. Ha ha, just kidding! I think any child who grew up in a Mandarin-speaking household will remember at least one of the songs in this somewhat surreal YouTube video:

The first is “兩隻老虎” (liǎng​ zhī​ lǎo​hǔ​, or Two Tigers) and it is set to the same tune as Frère Jacques. The lyrics in English are:

Two tigers, two tigers
running quickly, running quickly

One has no ears
One has no tail

How very strange
How very strange

As you can see, it is, in the best tradition of children’s songs, kind of creepy and ominious. I mean, what happened to those two tigers? Why are they missing body parts? Were those four little girls responsible for it? Are they part of some lilliputian poaching contingent?

The second song on the video is called “客人來” (kè​rén​ lái​, or The Guest is Here). It’s very simple lyrics consist of the “The guest is here/Dad is not home/I’ll tell the guest to please sit/And drink some tea” (though would you want to accept tea from a bunch of little girls who may or may not have just dismembered two innocent tigers?). The third is the Mandarin version of “London Bridge is falling down” (which I also suspect those four moppets had a hand in, though I have no proof…)

這兩隻老虎好可憐!被這群小女孩欺負成這個樣子!